I Find Strength

So a lot has happened. One of my closest friends made a decision that impacted her ability to serve a mission. She's now at a crossroads of marriage or mission and is pushing it out for a few months to really decide. And I know it shouldn't, but it impacted me as well. We had so many big plans! Send a journal between the three of us and turn that into a book for future Sisters, write each other nonstop about our missions and the blessings we've been receiving, just share with each other the wonders and trials of serving full-time missions. I feel hurt that we can't experience these things on the same level anymore. But life happens and we have to press onward.

Which is why I'm even more determined to go serve. These things happen for a reason, to make us stronger, to open a door to a different path that we need to take or have the opportunity to take, or to make us face a trial that will ultimately benefit our lives for some reason. I find strength in my friends and family. Those who have served, are currently serving, or are about to serve are all amazing examples to me. I find strength in my God. I know I'm not the best person in the world. I have many flaws. I work on them and then fall back into bad habits. And yet He's here to help me through it.

Sometimes it's hard to get down on your knees and open your heart up because it feels like you shouldn't bother Him with your pathetic pleas, you just feel so icky. We've all been there more or less. And it's a battle. But it helps in the end. You win the battle, and keep fighting on.

I find strength in my ability to fall on my face, time and time again, and pick myself back up and keep moving. I find strength in realizing I need to be motivated and get things done. I find strength in myself. Even when it gets bad on the inside.

Proverbs 3:25-26

Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.

For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

Keep going even when the darkness comes and the Lord will be there to help. Reach up, His hand is waiting to help you up. 

Find your strength in Him.

Hard Work

Satan works hard on all of us. He makes us feel unworthy. He makes us feel small. He makes us feel like we aren't good enough and we should just give up. And it's all lies.

To be honest, I don't feel worthy to go out and do this work. I don't feel good enough to even pray because I'm so afraid I'm not worth it. I don't feel like I'm worth it. And it's these thoughts in my head that are telling me I'm not good enough and I start to believe it. I have to believe I'm good though. Or I won't endure to the end. That in itself is part of the battle.

I talked to my friend about this. I've told him how unworthy I feel and how scared I am to leave everyone behind and face the unknown. He told me not to stress. Heavenly Father knows my struggles, that He's here for me. That He is the shoulder I can cry on and I'll never be given up on. This really helped me. For someone who feels so low, it helped. A lot. He also referred me to a talk given by Elder Brad Wilcox titled His Grace is Sufficient. 

This talk is one of the few tender mercies I needed this week. And so far so good too. It makes me realize how different my way of thinking is. To me, I need to work to repay what my Savior did for me. In reality? He's standing beside me, having already paid the price. It's like a mother paying for piano lessons. (I got this from the talk.) She wants her child to succeed. And to work hard to show appreciation for the lessons. And it's like our Savior as well. He wants us to appreciate His gift and to work hard to show our love and appreciation. He wants us to take advantage of it.

It isn't money to be paid back. It's money to save. To savor. He did it selflessly so that we might come home in the end. His grace is enough for everyone. Even me. Someone who feels so low, she doesn't think she should pray. And right now is when I need to pray the most.

His grace is good enough for all. He isn't standing at the end waiting to congratulate us. He's right next to us, guiding us when we're too tired to go on. Carrying us when our feet and legs and body have given out. Pushing us along when we want to go the opposite direction. He's here, standing beside me, holding my hand, and telling me I'm good. I'm good enough. I'm more than enough. I'm everything. And it's because of Him that I want to serve a mission. Not everyone knows what I do. And I want to share this message with them. They are good enough. They can be forgiven. They are loved. They are wanted.

And so am I.

I say this in the name of my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, amen.

Dear Sister Halverson

I've been called to serve in the Indiana Indianapolis Mission!!! HOLY HANNAH!!!!! At first I didn't even believe I had my mission call. It was all too surreal. It's STILL surreal!!! It hasn't sunk in yet that I'm leaving on a mission! August 27th is my report date!!! Can you believe it?!?! It's a ways away but it'll still be here closer than you think! Everyone is so excited! I'M SUPER EXCITED!!!! I finally get to share my happiness and love with others and that in itself is a wonderful blessing. I have a long way to go and even when I'm in the field I know I won't be ready. But I'm elated to have this blessing in my life and have so many people to support me and to be there for me and for missionaries out in the field to know what it's like and to be able to help me.

I'm a part of this amazing community and I know we are all brothers and sisters. To think someone halfway across the world is part of my church and to know that they share the same principles as me...it's astounding. I can't believe the vastness of this Gospel and all the lives it touches, LDS or not. We share one common belief: to bring all of God's children home so that they might be saved in the last days and be happy for eternity. Eternity is a long time to be happy. What a wonderful thought!

I'm a missionary. I've been called by God to fulfill His work and bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. I love this Gospel. It is a miracle, it is mercy, it is pure love, and it is wonderful. I says these things in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.

 

The Waiting Game

It's official. My papers are in to my stake president! HoLy HaNnAh!!! I'm totally freaking out! Albeit they can't be submitted to Salt Lake until Friday, and then I can't get the call until after General Conference (which I'm really stoked for) but I'm still excited! I should have it this month! It's so exciting! There's already bets on where I'm going. But I personally don't mind where I get called. It's the place I'm needed. It'll be the place on the map that I can finally put my finger on. It's the place I know He wants me to go to and meet the people who live there. I was told to share my happiness with others. And that is my mission. I want others to know the happiness I have. Just to know where I'm going will be almost enough. :)

This is a wonderful Work and amazing Gospel. I can't wait to get my call!

One week!!!

One week from today I can submit my papers into the Church Office! Oh my goodness!!! That's completely and totally exciting. I can't wait for my call!! I have a billion butterflies flyin around my tummy.

I have to make an appointment for my final interview and then do one last little thing. It's coming so close!!! The next post will hopefully be announcing my mission call!!!

I can't wait!

Love,

Soon-to-be-sister Halverson :)

Promises...

So much closer! It's been a month since I've opened my papers and am almost done with all of it! Yay!!! I only have three little things left to do and then I can submit. Even if one is getting a shot. :( I hate needles.

I have issues. There, I said it. I'm sure everyone does. Mine revolve more around being a lazy introvert who likes too many guys and being lazy. But I'm making changes to my daily life and I know that if I put my mind to it, great things can be accomplished.

My best friends have gotten their calls! One leaves for Phoenix, Arizona in May and the other leaves for Albuquerque, New Mexico in June! I'm so excited for them. I honestly CANNOT wait to get my call. I can't wait to submit my papers. I can't wait to BE DONE with my papers! It's just so exciting. And they want me to go to Texas so it'll be a straight shot of Sisters in three states. But at the same time, I really want to go foreign. I learned French in high school and a new friend of mine served his mission in the West Indies French speaking. I think it'd be cool to conversate in French. :)

But I don't know. I mean, I'll go Wherever I'm sent with a happy heart because I know that's where I need to be. My dad thinks Norway (long story) my mom wants France, my sisters think stateside, I've had two dreams this far about Spanish speaking, my friends want state side, the others want foreign, and all in all? I have no idea where I'll be sent! It's gotten so out of hand that I do g have any idea or feelings as to where I will be called. He will send me wherever He needs me and that's all I know. (Hopefully French.) (:

So reason for the title. I suck at keeping promises to myself. I just really do. So I'm going to make myself ten promises I need to keep. I would do seven because it's my lucky number but I'm also OCD and need it even. :)

1. I promise to read the Book of Mormon by April 1st.

2. I promise to study harder.

3. I promise to laugh at myself every once in a while and not be so hung up on stuff.

4. I promise to think differently.

5. I promise to not be so bullheaded and stubborn. :)

6. I promise to get in shape. I've got goals here people.

7. I promise to take the time to prepare for this amazing adventure.

8. I promise to learn all the French I can because it's an awesome language.

9. I promise to keep my room clean. It's the least I can do.

10. I promise to do better each day. I'm not perfect. I will not pretend to be. I'm learning, just like everyone else, to find the path that will lead me Home one day and I plan to become perfect through Jeses Christ and His beautiful Gospel. I know this Church is true with all my heart. I know His love for me exceeds all my understanding. And I know that everyone of us is a beloved son and daughter of our Heavenly Father.

I can't wait to serve Him. :)

Love,

Alli

It Takes a Little Faith

These past couple of weeks have been tough. I definitely know what it's like to be tried with such great force to keep me from moving forward with this little decision of mine. :) But I can safely say I have every intention of catching this wave and riding it with everything in me. It takes a lot to drag this Sister down.

I started my papers! But all this time before I actually got to see them I was having my doubts. I didn't know if I was worthy enough to go. So I let myself slip up and became of the world. I got so wrapped up in my little world of judgements and "sailor antics" that I forgot to keep the bigger picture in mind. So I felt unworthy. But I heard what I needed to hear from my bishop and some very important people in my life. It helped start a chain reaction that essentially is steering me in the right direction. I can get back on track. I can do it.

It takes a little faith, a lotta love, and a ton  of hope. That's what it means to me to keep going forward. I have this goal in mind and I have every in tention of following through. It'll be tough. But the Lord won't give me anything I can't handle. He hasn't thus far.

It's a good thing. :) I can't wait to see where it takes me!