I Find Strength

So a lot has happened. One of my closest friends made a decision that impacted her ability to serve a mission. She's now at a crossroads of marriage or mission and is pushing it out for a few months to really decide. And I know it shouldn't, but it impacted me as well. We had so many big plans! Send a journal between the three of us and turn that into a book for future Sisters, write each other nonstop about our missions and the blessings we've been receiving, just share with each other the wonders and trials of serving full-time missions. I feel hurt that we can't experience these things on the same level anymore. But life happens and we have to press onward.

Which is why I'm even more determined to go serve. These things happen for a reason, to make us stronger, to open a door to a different path that we need to take or have the opportunity to take, or to make us face a trial that will ultimately benefit our lives for some reason. I find strength in my friends and family. Those who have served, are currently serving, or are about to serve are all amazing examples to me. I find strength in my God. I know I'm not the best person in the world. I have many flaws. I work on them and then fall back into bad habits. And yet He's here to help me through it.

Sometimes it's hard to get down on your knees and open your heart up because it feels like you shouldn't bother Him with your pathetic pleas, you just feel so icky. We've all been there more or less. And it's a battle. But it helps in the end. You win the battle, and keep fighting on.

I find strength in my ability to fall on my face, time and time again, and pick myself back up and keep moving. I find strength in realizing I need to be motivated and get things done. I find strength in myself. Even when it gets bad on the inside.

Proverbs 3:25-26

Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.

For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

Keep going even when the darkness comes and the Lord will be there to help. Reach up, His hand is waiting to help you up. 

Find your strength in Him.

Hard Work

Satan works hard on all of us. He makes us feel unworthy. He makes us feel small. He makes us feel like we aren't good enough and we should just give up. And it's all lies.

To be honest, I don't feel worthy to go out and do this work. I don't feel good enough to even pray because I'm so afraid I'm not worth it. I don't feel like I'm worth it. And it's these thoughts in my head that are telling me I'm not good enough and I start to believe it. I have to believe I'm good though. Or I won't endure to the end. That in itself is part of the battle.

I talked to my friend about this. I've told him how unworthy I feel and how scared I am to leave everyone behind and face the unknown. He told me not to stress. Heavenly Father knows my struggles, that He's here for me. That He is the shoulder I can cry on and I'll never be given up on. This really helped me. For someone who feels so low, it helped. A lot. He also referred me to a talk given by Elder Brad Wilcox titled His Grace is Sufficient. 

This talk is one of the few tender mercies I needed this week. And so far so good too. It makes me realize how different my way of thinking is. To me, I need to work to repay what my Savior did for me. In reality? He's standing beside me, having already paid the price. It's like a mother paying for piano lessons. (I got this from the talk.) She wants her child to succeed. And to work hard to show appreciation for the lessons. And it's like our Savior as well. He wants us to appreciate His gift and to work hard to show our love and appreciation. He wants us to take advantage of it.

It isn't money to be paid back. It's money to save. To savor. He did it selflessly so that we might come home in the end. His grace is enough for everyone. Even me. Someone who feels so low, she doesn't think she should pray. And right now is when I need to pray the most.

His grace is good enough for all. He isn't standing at the end waiting to congratulate us. He's right next to us, guiding us when we're too tired to go on. Carrying us when our feet and legs and body have given out. Pushing us along when we want to go the opposite direction. He's here, standing beside me, holding my hand, and telling me I'm good. I'm good enough. I'm more than enough. I'm everything. And it's because of Him that I want to serve a mission. Not everyone knows what I do. And I want to share this message with them. They are good enough. They can be forgiven. They are loved. They are wanted.

And so am I.

I say this in the name of my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, amen.